Permission Granted

by David Allen Sullivan You do not have to choose the bruised peach or misshapen pepper others pass over. You don't have to bury your grandmother's keys underneath her camellia bush as the will states. You don't need to write a poem about your grandfather coughing up his lung into that plastic tube—the machine's wheezing almost masking the kvetching sisters in their Brooklyn kitchen. You can let the crows amaze your son without your translation of their cries. You can lie so long under this summer shower your imprint will be left when you rise. You can be stupid and simple as a heifer. Cook plum and apple turnovers in the nude. Revel in the flight of birds without dreaming of flight. Remember the taste of raw dough in your mouth as you edged a pie. Feel the skin on things vibrate. Attune yourself. Close your eyes. Hum. Each beat of the world's pulse demands only that you feel it. No thoughts. Just the single syllable: Yes ... See the homeless woman following the tunings of a dead composer? She closes her eyes and sways with the subways. Follow her down, inside, where the singing resides.

Toddler can reach his cups in the drawer and work the fridge's water dispenser. Makes my life much easier.

I have a drawer in the fridge of just toddler-friendly fruits and veggies. He can get to it anytime he wants.

These jewelry organizers are perfect for organizing baby's stuff. Q-tips, Vaseline, alcohol swabs, Vitamin D, thermometer, etc.

Thanks, ladies!

So I was thinking how nice it musta been before feminism when everyone was a stay at home mom and they musta been more support and community and martinis and such and then I thought Holy Balls - I can quit (being a SAHM). Can you imagine if you had.no.choice? The I bitch slapped myself for my idiocy.

I have idea -strokes chin - Popsicle!
I have idea - I love you!
I have no idea!
You have no idea what I'm saying.

Island Wave of sorrow, Do not drown me now: I see the island Still ahead somehow. I see the island And its sands are fair: Wave of sorrow, Take me there. -Langston Huges

'Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.' Aeschylus

Frankie's working on his pronouns. I always say, Do you want me to hold you?", so now he's started saying "hold you" when he wants to be picked up. Cutest.Thing.Ever.

Wawert. That's Frankie's word for water. Bite. Wawert. means he's thirsty. During dinner he asked me if he could go outside, "Outside, mommy?" Then "Outside, Daddy" when he got a "no" from us he asked, "Outside, Ira?" He's given himself a couple of time outs. He runs to his room and puts his hands on the wall. No idea what he did. He gave the pool toy crocodile a time out for hitting in the pool. He says 'self" all the time as he wants to do things on his own. He turns the pages when we read books (3 at naptime and 3 at bedtime.) We tried to put him for a nap at Jackson parents house. We tried for an hour and finally let him get up so he said, "good morning!" Ira's been smiling since four week, but he really ramped it up starting July 5th. He's staying awake for long stretched, like 5 hours. He sleeps for 6 hours straight and has since birth. (Not every night, but most.)

Prego brain

Frankie and I were heading out the door and he frantically started saying "juice, juice, juice!" He doesn't drink juice often, so I was confused and said it wasn't time for juice. Then I saw him looking down. Ooohhhh...SHOES!
I was barefoot.

San diego Trip

We had Frankie's first flight last weekend. He was a champ! We went to San Diego to visit Jared's (and my) cousins. We hit the San Diego Zoo (for free, thanks to Amber's sister), the coast, a house party, and lots of hanging out. It was great to see family and reconnect. The weather didn't hurt either.

What a nice day.

He napped for an hour and a half in the morning and another 2 and a half hours in the afternoon. I read my book and snuggled with him while he napped in the afternoon. I had the Sky Babies over for mommy date and went to a good, long walk with him. He went down with only a couple of cries and JJ and I ate spicy pasta and watched Pushing Daisies.

Santa fell through the window at the Hole in the Wall on Christmas night

Santa was dancing (wasted, uninvited, in full Santa gear) on the stage for Christmas Karaoke when he fell backward through the plate glass front window. He was still lying there (along with 3 ambulances, 2 cop cars, 2 gurneys, and a neck brace) when I left a half hour later. Here's the really funny part, his friend who sat on his lap earlier and sang "Santa Baby" hopped on stage, grabbed the mic, and was announcing that he was really hurt and was his roommate there and looking all concerned. Then the karaoke people asked if they should keep going and the manager says yes and they announced the name of the next singer and it's her. She totally takes the stage and sings her song, "I feel Good" literally feet from the dude who's still on the sidewalk, bleeding, and surrounded by paramedics. Awesome.
Note: I went next with "I love the nightlife", and i do.

Visualization

Imagine you ate an Arby's Big Montana and a fistful of cheese squares, drove for 8 hours and it's time to take that soul-shattering shit. You're sitting there just waiting, but nothing's coming. You realize the shit's way, way, way bigger than your asshole. Then someone busts in the bathroom and tells you that if you don't shit RIGHT NOW someone will die.
Intense.
So that person stands in the bathroom and tells you to push as hard as physically possible for 10 seconds.
So hard your face turns red.
So hard your head pounds.
So hard you puke.

Ten seconds are over. You take a deep breath and halfway through releasing it - PUSH!!!
So hard hemorrhoids bubble out.
So hard your teeth grind.
So hard you quake.
Ten more seconds of agony.

-a breath-

You know this time that you won't have much time to breath so you breath a little faster.
PUSH!!!
So hard your mind leaves.
So hard you feel yourself tearing open.
So hard you are no longer yourself.

Ahhhh... a break. 15-45 seconds of relief. Then do it again. Do it over and over and over for hours.

Childbirth.

Why you shouldn't talk to me about your weight-loss efforts

#1 I have no frame of reference for what your body weight numbers and am frequently confused.

When you look at me intently and say, "I used to weight 160," I have no idea whether to smile conciliatorily and look shocked that you were ever so heavy, or give you a commiserating nod indicating that I too used to weight less.

#2 Your weight makes you hate yourself and if will confuse you that mine doesn't.

You'll think I'm trying to undermine your efforts. You'll think I'm putting on a brave face. I'm not.

#3 I will tire quickly while you're just getting started.

I have a lot of interests, dieting isn't one of them. I'll be polite, but will reveal my boredom if pressed.

#4 You'll misspeak and be worried that you've offended me.

You may at some point realize that saying that you're hideous and disgusting because you're 30 pounds overweight is incredibly rude. I won't be offended, but I'll feel sorry for you as you try to backpedal.

#5 You'll try to offer advice.

Don't do this. Really. And if you bring up weight loss surgery, no matter how "casually", I'll hold a grudge for years.

Cloth Diapers

We're loving cloth diapering. We save a shitload of money and get to be sanctimoniously green. We even started using cloth wipes which totally grossed me out the first time I heard about it. I think I thought it would be like washing my toilet paper, but, of course, it's baby waste so it's not so very nasty.
Here's the kind of dipes we went with:

They're Kawaii dipes from www.theluvyourbaby.com

Today, however, he has a tummy problem; the kind that causes one to go through A LOT of diapers. Thus, I have formally cut into the diaper cake made by my friend Sarah.

Motherhood acronyms

It's an attempt to form an "in group"/"out group". It's intentionally confusing and kind of fun.

Acronyms What they mean
AF Aunt Flo — menstruation/period
AP attachment parenting
BC because, or birth control, or before children
BF breastfeed, or boyfriend
CIO cry it out
Circ. circumcise
DC daycare, dear child
DD dear daughter
DF dear fiancee
DH dear husband
DS dear son
DTD do the deed
DW dear wife
EBF extended breastfeeding, exclusively breastfeeding
EBM expressed breast milk
EDD estimated due date, or expected date of delivery
FF formula feeding
FIL father-in-law
FT full time
FTM first time mom
L&D labor and delivery
LO little one
MIL mother-in-law
ML maternity leave
PPD postpartum depression
SAHD stay-at-home dad
SAHM stay-at-home mom
SAHP stay-at-home parent
SIL sister-in-law
SO significant other
TTC trying to conceive
US or U/S ultrasound
VBAC vaginal birth after cesarean section
WAH work at home
WOH work out of the home

Julios Tortilla Chips makes a seasoning...

we bought some on our way to Fredericks burg last year. It has a lot of yummy, yummy MSG in it.
I just made Kale chips seasoned with Julios. Genius! Yummy!